


She

by owodumbitch



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Cute, F/F, Just a little bit of Angst, Song Lyrics, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owodumbitch/pseuds/owodumbitch
Summary: “and she smells like lemongrass and sleep.”
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor/Reader, Thirteenth Doctor/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 36





	She

**Author's Note:**

> this is so speedily written and i’m sorry for that :/ i absolutely adore She by Dodie, give it a listen to understand the fic more!!

_ “ am i allowed to look at her like that?” _

the doctor was someone who was always captivating. you weren’t quite sure what drew you to her. it might have been her emotions, which came off in waves- which were just as turbulent, their strength so intense you could almost feel them yourself. or maybe it was her movement, the way she danced around the console in excitement, the way her hands danced around as she spoke. 

_ “ could it be wrong, when she’s just so nice to look at?” _

you knew, somewhere in the back of your mind that maybe it was wrong. the doctor was an alien, filled with compassion and sometimes anger; and you had tried to connect with her, to show her that you would help her if she needed it- but instead you were meant with a fake smile and a wall of a motions you knew you could never get past.

_ “ id never tell, no i’d never say a word.” _

you wanted to tell her. you wanted to admit your feelings to somebody,  anybody , because you couldn’t let them sit in your chest and grow and grow anymore. you couldn’t let your feelings consume you, and yet you didn’t know who to tell. you knew yaz and ryan wouldn’t say anything, and neither would graham, really, but you didn’t feel confident enough to any of them.

_ “ and oh, it aches, but it feels oddly good to hurt.” _

you had given up on trying, really. the familiar aching in your chest wouldn’t leave, and you knew it wouldn’t- no matter what.

_ “ and i’ll be okay, admiring from afar.” _

watching the doctor from afar was all you could do. countless aliens and other species constantly tried to flirt with her- she was just that alluring. her kindness and strong emotions was what drew people to her.

she was like a jewel; something you wanted but couldn’t have. 

_ “ cause even when she’s next to me we could not be more far apart.” _

you felt like a stranger. the rest of the gang was standing around the console, bantering with the doctor. you sat on the steps, listening to their constantly shifting conversation. one second, yaz was talking about alien planets and the next the doctor was dancing around the console chattering about sapphire waterfalls and caves. the doctor noticed you were sat on the stairs, and she sat down next to you. 

“ what about you, y/n? where do you wanna go?” her eyes looked into yours, and you felt, you felt  loved.  you felt heard. you could see the green specks in her old, deep eyes. you pondered for a moment, wondering what those eyes had seen. you knew they had seen countless planets, the births and deaths of stars, the full lifespans of people you didn’t know, things that you couldn’t even fathom. 

and you wanted those eyes to look at you all the time. 

_ “ and she tastes like birthday cake and story time and fall,” _

you had wanted to kiss her. if that would be your dying wish, you wanted to kiss the doctor. you lay awake at night, wondering what she would taste like. maybe your favorite things? you shook your head, rolling over. 

_ “ but to her, i taste of nothing at all.” _

you didn’t want to cry, you really didn’t. but you couldn’t help the stray tear that fell down your cheek and into the pillow. and suddenly your face was buried under the blankets against your pillow, the emotions of the past months and the pain you felt being let out. the deep ache in your chest didn’t leave, but it stayed- a constant reminder of the things you wanted but could never had. 

you sat there in bed, your face red and eyes raw from the crying. you felt a few tears fall again- but you stopped yourself from crying. you drifted off to sleep, still feeling the deep pain in your chest. all you wanted was a hug from a certain woman, but you knew you would never get it.


End file.
